Storyglossia Issue 12, March 2006
ISSN 1545-2824
Mixed Messages by Jonathan D. Scott
Dear Mrs. McCleary, I have the regrettable task of informing you that I have locked your son, Jamie, in the janitor's closet. He is being punished for bringing to school a color photograph of a woman wearing red lace underpants and stiletto heels, her legs spread apart and the words "LET'S CELEBRATE HUMP DAY" written across her bosoms . . .
Johnny Niagara's Adventures Underground by Corey Mesler
Now this, coincidentally, if there are any dewy-eyed lovers listening who still think coincidence is coincidence, was during a downtime in Johnny's relationship with his eternal flame, Iris Morpheme. Johnny and Iris's love for each other was as lasting as the eternal rocks, but, as in any relationship, there are ups and downs, ins and outs, days and darknesses, heavens and hells, anodes and cathodes. During this time Johnny was blue and miserable because Iris wanted to sleep with Cath Danelli, the drummer for The Damn Dirty Apes . . .
Copacetic by Tom Schwider
Gargoyles are attached to the synapses of memory. They scoff at me with terra cotta eyes and wide contorted nostrils. They pin me to the lime green over-stuffed Lazy Boy recliner. It was my smoking chair where I sat staring at books I wasn't able to read. My only thoughts were of roaches, and headless mice. They were the vermin whose destruction became my only job. Mice left their caraway calling cards of shit on the Formica counter top. Split husks of amber brown shells announced more roach off-spring to come a-crawling. One roach had the audacity to climb my leg beneath pants. It was a nightmare of German cockroaches in blitzkrieg attack breaking through every boundary, I was Austria, then Poland, then France. My shaking hands ached for another drink to quell the delirium . . .
Caveat Emptor by Steven Gullion
Her voice dropped to a stage whisper. "I went to his housewarming party. A thousand people in evening gowns and tuxes. Waiters with trays of champagne. The food! Suckling pigs, foie gras, pecan pies big as manhole covers. The governor was there. Margaret Thatcher popped in. Of course, you had the Hollywood crowd. DeNiro, Jim Belushi. Cher. Judge Reinhold. After a while, people find out there's only one bathroom and no place to squat. They're running to their limos, leaving early, because they have to pee. A fiasco. When Teddy has to poop, he goes out back and squats in the azaleas, then scratches mulch over it like a cat. Guy works there told me." . . .
A Survey of the Works of Ernesto Veto by Donavan Hall
After the publication of 9 Minutes Ernesto Veto expressed his interest in the connection between literature and mathematics in two experimental works: π and e. For these works he adopted a strict form of literary composition. He used only words with the same number of letters as each successive digit in the title number of the novel. For example, the first few digits of the number π are 3.14159. The opening of the novel π is "Say, I need a thick ridgepole..." Three letters in the first word. One letter for the second word. Four letters for the third word, and so on . . .
The Empty Flat Upstairs by Gretchen McCullough